Body Neutrality vs. Body Positivity
“Love your body” is perhaps one of the most frustrating phrases someone in eating disorder recovery can hear. Nothing could feel less tangible. Truly. And while sure, it's a beautiful and even admirable concept, the truth is that if you are struggling with an eating disorder, or in eating disorder recovery, you don’t love your body. You likely try very hard to disconnect from body in entirety just to get through the day. So, when someone suggests you learn to love your body…that can honestly feel like a slap in the face. At least that’s how it felt for me when I was in my recovery journey.
The hard truth about eating disorder recovery is that body image is the last thing to go. Yes, you read that right. There will be a period of time in your journey where you are in fact recovered, and yet are leaning into recovery and healthy self choices daily in spite of how you feel about, and in, your body.
Please don’t let that scare you from leaning into recovery. Each experience in this process is a phase, and this is not an exception to that. And like all phases, this too shall pass.
I wish I could sit here and tell you that I now only feel positivity about my body. I do, in some ways, but I also don’t. Let me explain. I have so much appreciation for my body. I am in awe of her actually. What she does for me each day, how she supports me… It's miraculous. However, I do not look in the mirror and love my physical form, if that makes sense. But what's interesting is that I don’t actually look at my body and analyze her in that way at all (and I very much used to). It just… is. This is my body’s set point. It’s where she is super happy and healthy to reside in this season of my life. And I love that. I allow that. I do not control that whatsoever. It simply is.
What I am describing is body neutrality. And in my opinion, it is far more tangible than body positivity.
Body Neutrality:
What is body neutrality?
Body neutrality is neither loving nor hating your body, but simply moving through your life within it, and finding acceptance for it. It encourages us to shift our focus from form to function- from how our body looks to what our body does for us. It invites you to find an appreciation for your body and care for it from that space, which challenges the idea that appearance equals worth.
Why is body neutrality more accessible than body positivity?
Body neutrality takes the pressure off of what body positivity has become online. It can be hard to find, and maintain, a positive outlook on our bodies. Sometimes, sure. But other times, less so. To me, I have always felt like it distills down to allowing our bodies to be the vessel for our life experiences, no matter the body we reside in, or how we feel about that body (which also ebbs and flows as we move through life). We won’t always have a positive view of our bodies, in my opinion and experience, but we can maintain care and respect for our body regardless. And show up in our life, and experience that fully, no matter how we feel about our body. That is the work.
Though I do also want to take a moment here to acknowledge that what the body positivity movement became on social media, in the ways I am referencing here, is not actually what it was founded for - which is to fight for equality for those living in marginalized bodies.
Why is body neutrality important?
Body neutrality, as a practice, allows us space to simply exist. To not define our day, our self, or our worth by our bodies one way or the other. If you are struggling with your body image today, that’s OK. It is, truly. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to move through the world today, or that your body is a problem that needs to be fixed. AND you don’t need to find love and positivity for your body today either. That’s OK too.
Body neutrality reduces overall objectification of self.
It's not about how we look at all. Not in a positive or a negative. There is no analysis or comparisons- to versions of self, or to others. It shifts the focus from out to in, and as we shift the focus we may notice a reduction in anxiety, food and body noise, and eating disorder behaviors.
Body neutrality allows space for life.
In the four decades I have lived so far, I have existed in many versions of my body. From child to teen to adult. From a person struggling with restriction, to binge eating, to over exercising, to recovery (and all the shifts my physical body experienced within those). From being pregnant to birthing my children and the absolute physical metamorphosis that experience was. To aging and all the new transformations ahead of me as my body inevitably continues to change along with my life stages and experiences. My body is never static- neither is yours. And I can care for and respect my body unconditionally through all its changes, no matter how I feel about it on any given day or in any given stage or change. So can you. This is the invitation and the practice.
How do I practice body neutrality?
The answer to this question resides more in the grey area (as many things in recovery do) than most of you would probably like to hear. But there are a few skills and tools that can be really helpful in accessing this as your move through the recovery process:
Play the change game:
Negative thoughts about your body will bombard your mind often if you are struggling with an eating disorder or currently in recovery. When this happens, we have a choice- do we feed into the thoughts and go down the rabbit hole, or do we shut them down. When you feed into the thoughts, the eating disorder is what comes out on top. When you shut down the thoughts by simply saying “change” or “stop” (or any other word that feels right for you), you give space to redirect.
Breathe:
Is this too simple to include on this list? Perhaps, but simple is often best. When the mind is bombarded with body noise (negative thoughts about body), we enter fight or flight. But we can control our physiology- we can use our breath to shift our state. There is obviously no wrong way to do this, but I like to focus on my heart center (and for those in recovery this feels better than belly breaths usually) and breathe slowly in and out from that space, inviting my exhale to be longer than my inhale. It really changes things- try it!
Appreciation:
Even at our lowest moments, I think there are things we can appreciate about our bodies. Not necessarily externally (though if you have some external things you appreciate, that is wonderful), but internally, from a function standpoint. The beating of our hearts, the spectrum of colors we can see, the sounds we can hear and perhaps enjoy, how a cut can heal, etc. I wonder how many things you can name off (or write down in your journal) that you genuinely appreciate about your body and what it does for you. This is a wonderful way to explore and practice shifting our focus.
Opposite action:
In spite of our best efforts, we are not going to be able to breathe through every moment of panic about our body and body image, or redirect and shut down every negative body thought. That’s normal and expected! When we’ve gone down the rabbit hole of our thoughts, have body checked to “affirm” them, and decided to engage in eating disorder behaviors as a result...we must try and choose again and pick the opposite action. Have the next meal or snack instead of skip it. Reach out to your supports (your treatment team, family, friends). Delete that body picture you took and the one you are comparing it to. Urge surf and use alternative activities when you have the urge to engage in ED behaviors.
I hope what you leave with from this article today, is that however you feel about your body in this moment is OK. You are not doing it wrong if you do not feel body positivity. BUT that does not make your body any more or less worthy of care (including nourishment) and respect. You are worthy. Your body is worthy. How you feel about self and body is a journey and one that ebbs and flows. And life doesn’t need to wait for positive feelings about your body to be lived fully and enjoyed.
